i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
