Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
