I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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