does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
