Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
