Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize