I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
