Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
