Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
