so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
