her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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