My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
