Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
