you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
