finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
