Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
