I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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