Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
