...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
