he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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