I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
