I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He passed out mid-signature
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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