The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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