Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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