Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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