bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
