The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
