I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
