How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize