dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
