Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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