Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
