the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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