I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
