maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
soo... how was my night?
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