oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
