youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Enjoy the penises
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
