there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
