I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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