I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
