So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
nutella sex= disaster
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
