but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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