There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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