i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
