Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
