my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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