The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
