Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
