Me. At least after what I've been through.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So squirting runs in the family.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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