So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
