I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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