i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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