separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
