All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wow bdsm is so cute
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