We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
