I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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