I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im holly from the hills drunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All the doctor said was why
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
