I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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