THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
