So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
