why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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