Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize