I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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