Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
