yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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