mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
