Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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