as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
