i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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