if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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