you traded sex for a burrito?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
