it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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