I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize