Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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