I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's get the cat blown out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize