he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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