Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
