I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
