Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
