There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
