I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
