No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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