This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
