My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
