we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
