I've blown a few things in my day
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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