You smell like stripper and shame
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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