I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
