shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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