i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
