I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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