Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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