U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
