I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
