Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
