1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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